DISCIPLE: Ministries Offer Healing for Loss, Divorce

A parish should feel like home, a place to belong no matter what is going on in your life. During times of sorrow and loss, however, it can be difficult to turn to the Church—often we feel alone in our grief or judged in our circumstances. Two longstanding ministries at St. Michael work to provide understanding and hope to those dealing with the death of a loved one or a broken marriage.
 

GRIEF GROUP 

Deacon Paul Ravnikar relaunched the parish’s Grief Group once the coronavirus pandemic restrictions ended this past year. Once a month, he meets with a small group of parishioners dealing with the death of someone close to them, including spouses, children, and parents. Using a program called the New Day Journal: A Journey from Grief to Healing, group members find the courage to share their stories and come to terms with their loss.

“Grief is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one, but it’s also one of those things that we’re not prepared for,” says Deacon Ravnikar.  “It can be devastating, frightening, and lonely. This course helps us to accept the reality of loss, to experience the pain of grief, to adjust to the environment in which the one we’ve lost is missing, and then to emotionally relocate them and move forward with life.”

Each meeting begins with readings from the New Day Journal, often including a personal story of someone who has experienced loss. The reading is followed by discussion questions and an opportunity to share, followed by a time of prayer for those who have passed away and a prayer of acceptance for group members.

New members are welcome to join the group at any time, and people often continue to meet with the group even after completing the book, to further their own healing and minister to others.

“For me, I lost my dad when I was a senior in high school and my mom when I was forty years old, so I understand the journey,” Deacon Ravnikar says. “With my mom, it was 16 months before I was able to be happy again. And with my dad—you know, that was 50 years ago, and I’m so happy for him now, but I’m still shedding tears when I talk about him. That’s how grief is, and that’s okay.”

Deacon Ravnikar says the group members are not required to share with the group, but it’s beautiful to be in a community of people who listen and understand what you are going through. 

Grief Group meets the third Tuesday of the month at 7:00 PM (immediately after the 6:30 PM Mass) in room 101 on the lower level of the church’s new addition.  For information, contact Deacon Paul Ravnikar at 612-919-4976 or [email protected].
 

SEPARATED AND DIVORCED GROUP

For the past 12 years, parishioner Carl Bruns has helped to facilitate the Separated and Divorced Group at St. Michael Catholic Church. He joined the group 14 years ago, a year after his own divorce, and the late Deacon Greg Steele encouraged him to get trained to lead the small group. 

Originally, the format was simply to go around the room and share your story; today, the group watches and discusses a video series called DivorceCare and receive a book to use at their own discretion.

“We generally start with a quick prayer,” says Bruns. “We watch the video, which is usually about 35 minutes long, and then everybody can tell their story if they want. I think a lot of the benefit is for people to have someone to talk to. The videos really help because they give you perspective on the situation you’re going through—the emotional problems, the financial problems, the grief, and the anger.”

“None of us want to be divorced,” he says. “Everybody got married on their wedding day in love and hoped to have a very happy life. Then all of the sudden, people get divorced and think they can’t come to church anymore. It’s kind of eye-opening and gives them an uplifting feeling to learn they aren’t a second-class citizen just because they got divorced.”

New members are welcome to join anytime. Similar to the Grief Group, some people complete the DivorceCare program once, while others come to the group for years, in order to support new members and continue to learn and heal. 

Separated and Divorced Group meets the first and third Thursday of the month at 6:30 PM in classroom 7 on the lower level of the church. For information, contact Linda Rattray at 763-497-8853.

This article appeared in the Advent 2022 issue of DISCIPLE, our parish newsletter. If you are not receiving DISCIPLE in the mail, call our parish office at 763-497-2745 to update your mailing address or register as a new parishioner.